No matter if you have a child with special needs or a “typical” child, we all dread a meltdown. Especially when they are full blown and in public or around people that don’t quite understand what is happening. Below are tips on how to support a friend or family member during the time their child is having a meltdown.
- Be Patient- Many times meltdowns can occur because something unexpected happened or the child was not prepared for an event. This could be too quick of a transition, having to tell them no when they are not prepared, sensory issues, and so much more. This can happen just because and that is something all families with a child with a special need understands. Life is unpredictable and we can not make everything perfect no matter how we try. So remember to be patient and allow the family to take the lead. Don’t rush them or try to shortened the meltdown because that can cause it to last even longer. Remember that the family typically has the best chance of pulling the child out of their current state and be the most supportive to the child.
- Be Understanding- It is imperative that you do not judge whatever the family has to do to support the child. They may have to stop in the middle of a store and put their child in their lap. They may have to pick them up and rush them to some place quiet. There are many things they may have to do and it is so important that you do not judge them through it. Even if you think the family can’t hear you or see you watching, trust me they do. They are so in tune to their senses they do not miss much.
- Only Help With Permission-If you feel like the situation has become unsafe or the parent may need help, remember to only help with their permission. Don’t be hurt if they say no or ask you to leave them alone. The parent is already pulling out every tool in their toolbox and they don’t have time to worry about others feelings. Their only focus is their child and that is where it should be. Don’t get me wrong, parents do appreciate the offer of help or people trying to talk the child down, however it is very frustrating when someone else spins a child into a deeper meltdown by saying or doing something that triggers them further. Special needs kids do not react or redirect in the same ways as “typical” child.
- Breathe for Them-Instead of making comments or staring at the family, take a breath for them. Send well wishes in your head and think positive thoughts for them. Don’t feel sorry for them because they do not want your pity. They want your understanding and the support that they don’t have to worry being around you. Remember to not judge them or think the child is always like this. Many times when family or friends see the child, the child is not in their normal routine. This can lead them to have sensory overload or have anxiety which then can trigger meltdowns. With this knowledge, remember to breathe for the family and remember not to judge them.
- Have Empathy for the Child-Always remember the child does not want this to occur. It wears them out and puts them through so many emotions all at once. Many times they get embarrassed or feel defeated after a meltdown. You can visibly see when they have come down from it and when they are ready to move on. Always remember to see the whole child and not to judge them for the meltdown you have seen. Do not be afraid to be around them or to talk to them. Treat the child the way you would want someone to treat you or your family.
These are only a few tips that I have about when you see a child having a meltdown. Being a supportive friend and not bringing it up the next time you see the family is important also. There are many times when harmful comments or actions affect a family more than anyone will know. Many times we brush it off or laugh because deep inside we are crying. We are hurting for our child and falling apart because we don’t know what to do. Be a kind and supportive person by thinking positive thoughts and just pausing and taking a breath for the family in need. Your compassion will not go unnoticed and it will be greatly appreciated.
