When I was pregnant with Dom, I vividly remember Ed and I having a conversation in our car about children with special needs. I remember him saying that we are the type of couple that could handle it. I recall thinking, “did you really just say that?” I agreed with him but also said to him I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I reflect back on that conversation frequently and wonder if God was preparing us for what was going to come. Was God questioning us to see where we stood with our answers?
After Dominic had many years of medical issues and then finally receiving a diagnosis of autism, I had many mixed emotions. One of my many challenges was getting over the feelings that Ed gave God permission that we were strong enough. In reality, that decision was already made for our family.
I know many people will have thoughts on this but please know it was my challenge. I know that it was always the plan one way or another. I know it is not what Ed had thought our journey would be but I still as a mother hand to go through the emotions and feelings. I had to understand that God wasn’t taking things away from me or setting me up for failure, he was giving me a gift. The gift was to become more aware of others and to be less selfish. To understand that things are not always the way you want them but sometimes it can be even better if you give them a chance. It taught me unconditional love not only for my children but also my spouse. It made me stop and recognize that Ed was right, we were made for this. I am strong enough and as a team we can make anything happen. His statements before Dom was born may not have decided our fate, however it did spark a conversation that became our reality.
I wouldn’t change our family and the lessons we have learned. Do I sometimes wish for more normalcy sure but am I happy where we are in life, absolutely. Ed was right, we were made for this.
